The Punishment Basics Part 1 The Why & When
Many of us can recall instances from our childhood when we committed wrongdoing and subsequently faced punishment. We may have been confined to a corner or given a time-out. Similarly, in the realm of BDSM, when a slave/sub makes a mistake, punishment can prove effective in correcting their behaviour, provided the submissive desires a change.
The purpose of punishment is to establish a connection between inappropriate behaviour and the unpleasant consequences that follow, thereby encouraging individuals to learn from their mistakes. While some people learn more effectively through punishment, others may not respond as well. To achieve this, the Master/Mistress can employ various techniques to prompt the slave to reassess their actions and contemplate their future behaviour.
However, before implementing any punishment training in slave training, several prerequisites must be met:
- Punishment training should only be integrated into a long-term Dom/sub or Master/Mistress/slave relationship. Administering punishment to someone unfamiliar with your rules is abusive.
- The submissive/slave must genuinely desire a change in their behaviour.
- As with all aspects of BDSM, thorough discussion is essential to establish what is acceptable and not within the relationship. Just as an on and off-limits list is created for BDSM activities, a similar list should be established for permissible and non-permissible punishments.
- All parties involved must agree to the administered punishments.
- A specific and clear set of rules must be established and understood by both the Dominant and submissive. Both parties must adhere to these agreed-upon rules. A Dominant changing the rules without informing the submissive is cruel and signifies a weak Dominant.
- If a safeword is used during the administration of punishment, all activities must immediately cease. A safeword indicates that the submissive is in extreme distress and can no longer endure the situation. Ignoring this cry for help is abusive.
- Punishments should never be administered by the Dominant while angry. Punishments must be carried out in a level-headed manner, focusing on correction rather than venting anger on the submissive.
- It is vital to explain the reasons behind the punishment at all times. Failure to provide clarification can lead to confusion and resentment.
- Punishment alone cannot facilitate learning. Ultimately, the proper behaviour must be demonstrated and/or taught to the submissive for them to learn from their mistakes. A strong Dominant leads by example rather than relying solely on punishment.
- After the punishment, proper aftercare, love, support, and comfort should always be given. As a Dominant, we are responsible for protecting and caring for our submissives. We help them regain their strength during their vulnerable moments and remind them of their true worth.
When discussing D/s dynamics, many immediately think of punishment. However, it should be noted that rewarding good behaviour tends to be more effective in influencing most individuals’ conduct. As humans, we naturally gravitate toward things we enjoy and that make us feel good.
Just as each slave/sub is unique, so are their desires and needs. For some slaves, punishment becomes a necessity, something they crave to deepen their connection to their Dominant’s will. Punishment can be an immensely effective form of training for these subs. When one of these slaves makes a mistake or misbehaves, they yearn for their Dominant to correct their actions, serving as a reminder of the chosen power dynamic in their life and guiding them toward growth as a better submissive or slave.
Before you start dishing out punishments, the most important question to ask in terms of punishment is:-
The Necessity of Punishment
During the process of training a slave, it becomes essential to address and correct behaviours that are undesirable to both the Dominant and submissive. These may include attitude problems, complaints, or any other behaviours that need to be changed. For instance, if a slave is expected to remain silent and only speak when spoken to, it may be necessary to employ some form of punishment to reinforce this expectation if the submissive speaks out of turn.
Different Masters may have varying levels of strictness when it comes to identifying punishable offences. It can be helpful to have a clear list of tasks that the slave must fulfil, along with a corresponding list of consequences for failing to meet those requirements. Naturally, this list can be adjusted as circumstances dictate.
Here are a few additional reasons why a slave may be subjected to punishment:
- Failure to show proper respect.
- Dishonesty or lying.
- Inadequate communication.
- Neglecting to ask for permission.
- Failure to complete assigned tasks.
- Refusal to perform tasks despite requesting them.
- Incorrect completion of tasks.
- Leaving an area in disarray.
- Incorrect execution of positions.
- Forgetting to carry out an errand or fulfil a request.
This list could certainly be expanded upon, as there are numerous potential reasons for punishment.
The crucial point is to establish a clear system that communicates, “If you fail to do this, this will be the consequence,” during slave training. This way, there are explicit expectations and corresponding repercussions for any unmet expectations.
It is imperative to have punishments in place for instances when agreements between both partners are not upheld. Two key components must be addressed regarding discipline and punishment:
- Both the Dominant and submissive must agree on the rules that will govern the relationship, typically outlined in a contract that both partners willingly enter into.
- Both the Dominant and submissive must agree on the permissible punishments to be used in the event of rule violations.
Without this mutual agreement and understanding, it is not appropriate to administer punishment to a submissive. Failing to establish clear rules and guidelines can result in confusion for the submissive and lead to resentment. It is vital to ensure that both parties comprehend the established rules for the relationship, always adhere to set limits, and only utilize the agreed-upon punishments.
Using Punishments to Help Achieve Goals
One crucial aspect of the necessity of punishment is to keep the submissive focused on their goals and desires, ensuring that the administered punishments align with those objectives. It is essential to explain the reasons behind each punishment and establish a connection between the punishment and the sub/slave’s ultimate goal. This practice proves highly beneficial. Additionally, it is advisable to have regular discussions outside of the dungeon setting to review the submissive’s progress, acknowledge their achievements, identify areas for improvement, and address any recurring issues that required punishment. Encourage your submissive to compile a list of goals they wish to accomplish in their submissive/slave training.
These goals may encompass various aspects, such as:
- Developing proper slave etiquette and protocols.
- Training in submissive service.
- Exploring bimbofication.
- Engaging in submissive secretarial duties.
- Learning the art of proper tea service.
Once the goals are established, collaborate with your slave to create a corresponding list of lessons they need to learn.
For instance, under submissive service training, the list might include:
- Dinner service procedures, including where to stand while serving a dish and where to stand when not serving.
- Submissive service etiquette, encompassing speech training, eye contact, and how to address the Dominant and guests appropriately.
- Selection of submissive attire, such as white gloves, specific shoes, and attire suitable for serving dinner or cleaning the house.
Ensure that your sub/slave agrees to these goals and lessons. Having them sign their name on the list can even reinforce the importance of adhering to their aspirations. Throughout the training process, when lessons are forgotten, disregarded, or purposefully disobeyed, reminding the sub of the reasons behind the punishments can serve as a powerful motivator. Hold them accountable for upholding their own desires and goals.
Determining the Right Time for Punishment
The question arises: When should the punishment be administered? The best answer is immediately after the wrongdoing has taken place.
For punishments to be effective, it is crucial to administer them promptly following the infraction. Consider a common childhood example: despite numerous warnings, many of us had to learn the lesson of not touching a hot stove by experiencing the instant burn. In this scenario, the brain quickly made the association between a hot stove, contact with the skin, and a negative outcome, resulting in a powerful lesson that discouraged future attempts. While this is not a punishment in itself, it highlights how swift feedback aids in teaching through negative reinforcement.
If the pain from touching the stove were to occur hours or days later, the connection between the action and its consequences might weaken, making the negative reinforcement less effective.
However, real-life situations may not always align perfectly with this ideal timing. Infractions can occur when the Dominant is not present or when the Dom/sub dynamic is in a public setting where punishment cannot be immediately administered. Life’s circumstances happen, and our approach to submissive training must adapt accordingly.
In such cases, it is advisable to deliver the punishment as soon as possible after the actual infraction, aiming to maintain a sense of connection between the wrongdoing and its consequences. When there is a significant time gap between the two, the slave may not establish a strong link between the punishment and their transgression.
Sending friendly reminders through text, email, or voicemail can help establish a future punishment’s connection to a previous infraction. These reminders can specify the offence committed and indicate the forthcoming punishment at the earliest feasible time. Alternatively, a Dominant can maintain a slave training journal to record notes and observations. This little black book can also serve as a record of punishable offenses even in public settings. Watch your submissive’s eyes widen each time the book emerges, and a mark is made as a consequence. Sometimes, allowing the submissive to contemplate their actions can intensify the impact of the punishment.
Now, let’s explore some forms of punishment that can be employed:
- Humiliation techniques
- Verbal correction
- Loss of privileges
- Imposition of additional rules
- Increased serving responsibilities
- And so on.
Wait for the next post if you wanna find out how to
