The 3some, Part 1 Finding a Willing Participant
I think a lot of people have a fantasy of having more than one lover at a time the 3some. Its one of those things that is both a blessing and a curse. I mean you could just have meaningless threesomes but both myself and angel need an emotional connection to fuck someone.
That emotional connection comes with…well emotions. And as cool as it sounds to Dom two women at a time guess what – they both look to you to meet their needs. And you have to juggle not making your primary feel like they aren’t good enough and that’s why you want a third.
So I think its important before you ever start looking that you establish that. There is GASP a lot of talking that has to happen. Not only what qualities you are looking for in a third but also why. Personally for me I really enjoy the complexity that comes from being with more than one woman. Its tough, its a challenge but its a good challenge.
Adding a person is the ability to do things you could not do with just one person. And plus we both like to watch the other make women cum. Its just fun as hell. And angel has really found her voyeur side and gets off on watching me with another woman (not in a cuckquean kind of way – it isn’t humiliating).
Once you’ve established that you are both ok with adding a third you have to find a third for your 3some.
The hardest part is actually talking to your partner about doing this. The second hardest is actually finding a person. Now I want to note at this point that the third IS a fucking person in this 3some. The poly crowd here gets very up in arms when they feel like someone is objectified. That’s not what this is about. We are friends with all but one lady we’ve been with and we were friends before, during and after.
The first question is where to look. I’ve never been able to approach women in meat life. I’ve met every sexual partner on the internet first. And as hard as it is to find a date as a man in real life its 7000 times harder to find a third partner in real life. Can you imagine walking up to a woman at the grocery store and asking if she likes men and women? Its unheard of. If you’ve done this with success you are my fucking hero.
Our first third partner was actually a third and fourth as we met a girl/girl couple on swinglifestyle.com. Now before the FOSTA stuff it was a crap website. But now you have to pay for an account to even contact anyone. So that’s out. That first foursome experience was a teaching moment as I realized how difficult it is to concentrate on three women at a time.
Every other experience we’ve had has either been Tinder or Fetlife. Oddly enough Tinder has been better for finding a 3some. My advice here is to be fucking honest. Do not list your status as single on either place. Make it clear you are part of a couple. I cannot tell you how many women we match with that have hidden partners or are married and “discrete“. So be honest, put the intent on there along with pictures of both of us.
Once you match be honest again. Super. Fucking. Honest. Think about the end game.
What’s gonna happen when they realise you are just looking for a quick fuck or whatever else? I tell them immediately upon match that we are open to different things and that I’d like to know what they are ok with. Lots of people have no idea or won’t say. Some people will match because it sounds exciting but they have no intention of following through. Its easy to get discouraged because you’ll click with someone and they’ll just disappear.
Once one of us is “feeling” a match we will connect them with the other partner and make sure they also click. Rarely does either of us find someone the other doesn’t like. We apparently have the same taste in women. LOL
The next step is finding a meet. There’s never a good way to do this. I’ve asked too early and I’ve waited too long. There’s no right answer. You just have to let them know when they feel comfortable you’d like to meet. I always try to let them pick the venue. We used to have a no sex on the first meet rule but that has loosened a lot because we seem to be finding more FWB type situations than “real” relationships.
That is part one. This is the mentally hard parts. The next parts require you to up your physical stamina as well as your ability to deal with really awkward situations.