Can’t cum?

Do you find it difficult to Cum

As you know I like to get to the heart of the sticky subjects (pun intended!) I’ve had an ongoing situation for a number of years dropping lube looking like Cumnow, I say situation as for me it’s not really a problem but for my partner it is.

I find it really hard to cum, it seems to be that I have to force my orgasm by tensing all my muscles and the only way to really cum is from behind standing on my tip toes and tensing.

At this point I’d like to make it clear that my girlfriend is gorgeous, I find her highly attractive, highly sexual and I can’t keep my hands off her, so no issues there.

We have sex a lot, at least 2 or 3 times everytime we see each other and often a lot more if its a weekend. Again not an issue!

I can get and maintain an erection, the feeling during sex is great and I love making her cum. Sometimes I feel I’m heading towards orgasm but then it subsides.

Now I’m pretty sure it’s psychological not physical, my partner has mentioned it a few times and whilst she’s happy for the stamina and her own orgasms I think she’d like me to cum more especially inside her (rare if ever)

So it got me thinking maybe I’m not alone in this so I did some research. I’ve found the following thread detailed below and I’ll continue to add more as I find them. Just in case any medical professionals are reading this I’m physically fit, I exercise three or four times a week, whilst in the past I’ve both smoked and drank a lot it’s been a decent while since I’ve done either.

We like to experiment but there is no particular peccadillo that makes me cum more than anything else.

I struggle to cum through both sex and masturbation.

I tend to no longer masturbate between sex with my partner one because she keeps me satisfied and two to see if this has any effect. (So far it has not)

I imagine its in the same ball park as erectile dysfunction where there is no physical problem but a psychological over thinking of the situation.

I’ll keep you posted as I go on and see if I can improve things, I’d be interested in comments from make and females who’ve had experience around the same subject.

The first two threads show that I’m not alone the third one offers a solution (pun also intended) I’ll add more to these.
The first is clearly taken from a forum so there are some interesting (also some weird and some downright stupid) points of view

Thread one

I am having a real problem, I cant orgasm during sex. This seems like a dream come true for all girls, but really it isn’t. I’ve had problems with ex-partners getting very annoyed or sore because I cant orgasm. I have no problem with foreplay and quite often ejaculate during this when with a girl. However I hate going on top because I get no feeling and reaching a climax is almost nil. I find it very frustrating for my partners and myself; I have even faked my orgasm on several occasions!!

I have searched the internet for advice but there seems to be none. I also suffer from cold testicles, do you think that this may have something to do with the problem? I know the expression; “numb-nuts!” but I really have them! I don’t know if this is related or not. I have no problems achieving orgasm on my own, just would like to do this inside my partner.

Please give me some help or advice.

replied August 20th, 2004
Hey you say you cant ‘orgasm’ meaning you get no feeling when you ejaculate or just dont ejaculate at all ? I myself dont get an orgasm or any feeling of pleasure but ejaculate…

replied March 10th, 2013
Hi sc0pe,
I have the same problem as you,, by any chance did you over come it, please help

replied December 10th, 2004
Mabey you should try inserting your penis into your girlfriends anus mabey you just need to feel tighter pressure on your penis, for the guy who does ejaculate but feels no orgasm this could be a back problem, when certain nerves are pinched in the lower back the energy i’ll refer to it as chi because how could a billion chinese people be wrong – does not flow properly through your spine so the energy needed to be built up in your body in preparation for discharge is not happening therefore no complete discharge if you were circumsized this can also contribute to a loss of sensation because there is a certain amount of electrical static which is accumulated in the tip from friction of the skin layers to begin the charge through the spinal fluids. I’ve had only one orgasm in the last ten years and it was after a chiroractor put me on a machine which bent me back and fourth on a machine which loostened my lower back. Niacin vitamin b12 can help in very small doses along with some yoga.

replied December 26th, 2004
You could try herbal supplemens that increase sexual drive. I recommend zupro. After taking it I experience very powerful orgasms.

replied January 6th, 2005
Reaching An Orgasm
How do you keep from infecting yourself if you dont have an orgasm/ejaculation.

replied January 6th, 2005
Well Maybe I Can Help
My fiance had mentioned something about that when we first got together he said I would get too wet and so he couldn’t feel anything and it was hard to orgasm but since then we have been together for 3 years and he hasn’t happened for a long time he is used to my wetness maybe is your women getting really wet? Also what about your circulation? Do you take any medications? These are things to keep in mind also my fiance says when he get too hot if we dont open a window it makes it hard for him to orgasm maybe you need a little fresh air try having sex outside or in the laundry mat you may just need a vaction stress can make things happen

maybe talk to a doctor or a friend you can trust it may be something as simple as your nerves being bad or stress hopefully not you health but just dont be afraid to ask and get it checked out by a professional since you have no problem orgasming yourself it sounds like you are fine I would maybe just ask you woman to jack you off a little untill you get close and then slowly slip back inside her and you are sure to orgasm inside her if all else fails visit my website. And check some pics and video take care…

replied March 16th, 2005
I’ve actually got this problem myself. I assume it’s more of a mental issue as masterbations never a problem. I assume it’s just a matter of relaxing and also just needing more friction. But usually I just focus on making my partner climax the whole time rather than ever worrying about myself. It’d be interesting to hear if anyone has any major solutions to this. I assume like I said it’s more of a mental thing and once you finally do start to get over it it’ll all become quite easy and the problem will go away. But like I said, i’m also in the same boat which only lately i’ve really been starting to look into ways to get over this as obviously most of my partners think it’s something to do with them and of course i’d like to actually start enjoying it more ; )

replied November 2nd, 2012
Wow! I thought I was alone with this problem. Thank You soo much because I though I was losing it. How can I go so long without coming having sex but masterbation no problem. Mental like you said. I have to work on that.

replied November 9th, 2012
I also have this problem …. I get a lot of pleasure and get hard … but I cannot cum. I can have intercourse for ages and ages …….. sometimes I feel close but cannot arrive.
I can cum when masturbating. It is very frustrating though I have learned to compensate and enjoy sex. It would be nice to orgasm completely just once in a while though

replied April 15th, 2013
I knew I couldn’t be the only one and I find I am with many. I would get erect no problem and could last all night, but damn, sometimes I wished I could pop in 5 minutes. I get jealous when I hear a guy cry about cumming to fast. I have no problem masturbating and cumming but with my wife I would be right there, one breath away and then …………nothing. It’s like my penis goes numb. Orgasm’s lost.

replied April 15th, 2013
I believe most of it is mental but some could be medications, alcohol or drugs as well. For me, I’m thinking mental. The longer I have been married the less and less sex got and more and more masturbating I was doing. Now, she’s happy with sex once a year, but I guess I was supposed to be ok with it? Nope. So in that year I masturbate and climax no problem, many times. But on our Anniversary, when we have sex, I just can’t climax. If we were having enough sex to where I wouldn’t need to masturbate, I believe the effects should go away. But since that doesn’t look to be from my wife I may have to look at outside options. I’m tired of not being able to cum with a partner. I used to enjoy the sex even without cumming knowing that she did and I did it. But I want mine. I don’t want to have to masturbate like a teen to get my ejaculation.

replied March 16th, 2005

how do you keep from infecting yourself if you dont have an orgasm/ejaculation.

I don’t understand that question at all….Is it just me?

It could very well be a mental thing. If you can orgasm yourself and during foreplay then it is very likely a mental reason causing you to not orgasm during actual intercourse. Anal sex is not a solution because even if you can orgasm that way that would mean you have to have anal sex everytime you want to orgasm, so real natural sex still wouldn’t give you the pleasure that it should.
Talk to your doctor, a friend who experiences similar problems or seek counseling. But, definately go to your doc to rule out any actual medical problem.
Are you comfortable with your partner? Love and understanding makes all of the difference in the world. Good luck to you both.

replied February 5th, 2009
Trying to understand all of this….
okay, so I’m reading some of these and I start to think “YES! that’s what’s happening to my husband!” but I still have yet to see an actual answer?! My husband says he can’t feel when he orgasms, He says I am too wet (sometimes)or he’s just not reaching orgasm or i think he’s reached an orgasm so quick that he doesnt realize it and then get’s soft…I can’t figure it out! How can a MALE not feel an orgasm? I’ve been with men who practically scream louder then ME….so I don’t understand any of this?? He excercises, he is very healthy, blood preasure normal, we can’t keep our hands off of eatchother (married 10 years now) is it just lack of sexual chemestry?

replied August 15th, 2011
Sometimes, men lose their erection, without being able to come, and make up a story such as this to hide their embarassment. If you can corroberate the fact that he has come (there should be plenty of evidence) then there may be other issues. Kind of odd that he has no discernable indication or emotion that would indicate he is coming. I’d have to say there may be some health or emotional issues, assuming you have physical evidence that he has come. I’d lean towards emotional. Just my two cents.

replied April 20th, 2013
I think I might have an answer; I’m gay so I know men lol
Some guys continue to stoke when they reach orgasm and so they can reach their climax and you can feel a more intense orgasm. Some guys freeze up when they reach their orgasm and can’t continue stroking to reach their climax, which leads to a very drab orgasm.
I recommend finding a way to keep stoking his penis when he reaches his orgasm like bounce on top of him or stroke him off

replied February 15th, 2009
unable to orgasm during intercourse
I have a problem that may be some variation of the one’s mentioned. Mid 40s, had a great sexlife till about 4 years ago, when i started having difficulty getting erect during sex. I can masturbate to orgasm, though it takes a little longer than it used to, but plenty of sexual arousal. During sex, erection is semi, and once my wife orgasms, whatever I have going on dies completely. Have tried viagra, end up sleeping with a beuatiful hard on all night long, but same results during sex. Mental I guess, but what to do?

replied February 17th, 2009
Again as someone else stated in this article, there aren’t really any answers here. I don’t know if I actually have a problem or not and if I do there doesn’t seem to be a solution for it. It wasn’t even until today that I worried about this and maybe I shouldn’t be. I was talking with a friend of mine about our sex lives and she asked about my orgasms during sex. When I told her I hadn’t she couldn’t comprehend why as a man I didn’t care if I achieved an orgasm. I had always thought my girlfriend and I had great sex, but now I feel self-conscious, like I am doing something wrong. If anyone had any advice it would be helpful.

replied February 18th, 2009
Not reaching orgasm during intercourse
Hello. I am an ex girlfriend of a guy who has a hard time having an orgasm during sex. We were together for about 9 months, and he is the one who broke up with me cuz he was so concerned with this problem. He has reached orgasm a few times when we had sex both vaginally and anally, just not every time. We have such a huge physical attraction towards eachother and cant even keep out hands off eachother when we’re together. He mentioned that he masturbates alot, like 3 times a day at least. We live 2 hours apart and only see eachother on weekends. But then he mentioned that he had really cut down on “taking care of himself” and he still had an problem. He says it has happened with other woman he had dated, and it sometimes takes him awhile when he does it himself now. I was wondering if he may be gay or Bi or something. I suggested that he go to the doctor, but he hasnt as of yet. I felt really bad at first, like it was me, but he assured me it wasnt. We would have such great passionate sex, that i couldnt believe he wasnt reaching orgasm. For myself, as a woman, I cant reach orgasm thru intercourse alone. I love sex, but I either need manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris. And alot of women are like that, you just dont hear about very many men having this problem. Do u think he may be gay? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU…..

replied July 8th, 2012
I have a similar problem to your ex… I am not gay. I have been extremely attracted to the women I have slept, but recently i havnt been able to orgasm during sex. Its a completely nightmare and I do not know why. I keep going for 2 hours or more, moving her into different positions but I still cant seem to be able to finish. it could be something health related and therfor you should definately NOT doubt his physical attraction to you.

replied September 22nd, 2012
He’s not gay
He’s not gay if he gets it up because you turn him on. So what if he’s bi, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have sex with you.

Has anything happened with either of or between you two that might’ve changed the situation? Weight gain? Unresolved conflict? Prescription drugs? Sometimes stressing out (or ‘bottling up’ emotions) is the cause of sexual dysfunction.

replied April 15th, 2013
See, now there ya go. The same thing is been discussed at my house with my wife. I can thrust until I am exhausted and not orgasm. This has gone on since we were dating and now we have been married for 7 years. At first it wasn’t an issue, then she was, “Am I not doing it right?” Then came the “are you gay?” thing. And let me tell you. You say that to your guy and now you surely will kill his ability to ever climax because he will be trying to show you he is not gay. While worrying about cumming on top of it. Then in my case I started to question my own sexuality, and discovered that I like guys and women, just not her. I did sleep with a guy and couldn’t orgasm.

replied February 21st, 2009
Speaking as a guy who often doesn’t orgasm during intercourse…
…it’s certainly not a problem with my partner. I can totally understand how a girl might feel inadequate – “Every guy orgasms during sex, right? Usually too quickly, haha…” – but from my own experience, I’m chalking it up to a combination of:

– Every guy is different; it stands to reason that some guys will orgasm more easily than others. Premature ejaculation must have its counterpoint!
– Condoms suck. I find it easier to orgasm without one; they’re tight in the wrong areas and I suspect they can restrict bloodflow to some degree.
– Getting the right position! Missionary can suck because it’s tiring and the angles are quite forced. Doggy style is often good because it can be a team effort, and penetration is usually deep. One girlfriend was much shorter than me, which meant that anal sex actually gave the best angles for pleasurable sex – but that’s a poor excuse for pressuring a girl into experimentation!
– Mental issues. Personally I overthink things and find it hard to get totally lost in the moment (no matter how much fun I’m having).

I find it easier to orgasm during oral sex, easier still through masturbation. That’s largely a matter of being able to easily hit all the really great-feeling spots. Orgasm during intercourse generally takes a concerted effort, and often it’s more fun not to really try.

I’ve found so long as I *talk about it*, make it clear that this isn’t a problem I have with the relationship – physically or emotionally – then we’re very happy. It’s actually nice to be able to enjoy having long periods of sex with someone I care about!

[Edit] And I can assure the previous poster that I, at least, am not gay. Orgasm isn’t the only measure of a guy’s excitement – so long as he seems into you in other ways, you can ignore your paranoia. If you relax it will probably help him, too.

replied April 3rd, 2009
Just be thankful!
If you have a spinal cord injury, and I do (recovering from spinal cord cancer), then just be thankful that you can get an erection and have intercourse! I can orgasm, but not climax with ejaculation via intercourse, oral, or even masturbation. I am just happy that after 8 years of not being able to get an erection that I can now. My wife and I are very happy…to mention our sex marithons!!!

So, relax, and enjoy one another. Besides, isn’t that one that sex is for?!?

replied April 15th, 2009
a solution you might not want to hear.
I have had this problem all my life, I just cannot reach orgasm when I have a partner. I kindof stumbled upon this solution one night when I had a little too much. My partner inserted one finger into my anus and massaged my prostate while she performed oral sex on me, and I had the best orgasm of my life. I know its kindof strange, but honestly, try it out if you are willing to experiment.

replied May 18th, 2009
I have had this same problem for years, only one girlfriend I had didnt mind, she acctually liked the long periods of intercourse, others felt insecure that I couldnt come. It can be a relationship killer. I wish I knew a solution. I have been asked “are you gay?”. No I am not.
Its a drag

replied May 22nd, 2009
same problem
I have been noticing that my fiance has been having a horrible time reaching a orgasm. I figured it has to be me something I am not doing. He gets so mad at me and says no I dont want to talk about it, it has nothing to do with you. But i think any girl would feel like it is her fault especially after two years it suddenly starts happening. He started having trouble about 2 weeks ago and since then he has maybe orgasmed 2x and intercourse has strayed. I know he feels bad but it makes me feel worse. Could it be stress? he has been really stressed from work lately. he also says that it feels like he is about to cum about and then it never comes. He says this happens two for three times during intercourse. I figured taking acouple days off will help. this just made us fight for three nights then the fourth we tried again and he still didnt. I cant just live with it. I know that it will start to effect our relationship negatively. anyone know of natural things he can take for this? anyone know why this could be happening?

replied May 25th, 2012
yeah wow, pretty much the same problem here. my husband and I were best friends for 10 years then 2 years ago we got married. about a year ago this all started, he cant “get off” during intercourse. It makes me feel less of a woman and like a horrible wife. we both work stressfull jobs.I have walked in on him quite a few times in the past 6 months watching dirty movies and taking care of his business.I even considered leaving him because I think porn is nasty and he has a perfectly good wife right here, my honest opinion is that they get so addicted to dirty movies and what they get out of and then they do it so much that when they are with their woman they cant get off.. It hurts my feelings he doesnt want me like that, and he turns to !**@! girls on tv()whose vaginas are the size of the grand canyon. we are still working on this issue and he knows if i catch him again, I AM DONE! to be honest the thought of him doing that really turns me off. I wear sexy clothes, talk dirty, let him watch me and still he cant get off. my advice, tell him to stop masterbating and eventually it will fix the problem. I am week 2 of no porn and no masterbating.

replied September 22nd, 2012
Did you gain weight; are you still sexy enough for him? Do you make him uncomfortable and want to not be an assertive man? Try letting him make some decisions, and owning the consequences, see where it goes.

replied November 27th, 2012
It is you!
Did you ever stop to think it you and your the reason he masterbates. Sounds like you rule with an iron fist. Leave him. You will die alone and he can masterbate in peace

replied April 15th, 2013
Do you want sex? My wife has decided that she is fine with sex once a year or sometimes she might have a glass or two of wine then tell me “Honey, I’m drunk, we should bang.” Well I believe I have a normal to high sex drive, and when she is only interested in sex once a year I will have masturbated 300 times. So that one day when we do have sex, I do not orgasm unless I masturbate after sex. I believe I have conditioned my body to reach orgasm this way due to the lack of sex we aren’t having. Then to add insult to injury, telling me that she pretty much has to be drunk to want to sleep with me is not a good moral booster. In fact now it is getting to the point where I had to ask the doctor for Viagra just so I can try and get erect with her. Do I watch porn? I sure do now. If I had a woman who wanted to make love 3-4 times a week and not need to be drunk, then I wouldn’t have much need for porn or masturbating. But I’m not giving up my pleasure to be priestly.

replied July 19th, 2009
yeah i have the same issue I am always worried about pleasing my partner and can go forever so she loves it but i never get to that point but on my own i can. I dont get it?

replied August 10th, 2009
I am a 24 year old male with the same issue my woman is beautiful but so many things are going on just opened my own company I have been addicted to porn so now I’m trying to break free from porn in hopes that I can get off while I am inside of her. She has had children so she’s not that tight but at the same time the sex is great its just frustrating not being able to cum when she does quite often.


replied August 10th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Wow I’m really sorry this thread has been going for 5 years without an answer. What you’re describing sounds like Delayed Orgasm, a medical condition caused by either damage to nervous tissue to the penis or just poor development of the penis. It’s a form of ED. A Urologist or ED specialist should be able to confirm if you are suffering from Delayed Orgasm or have different issues but there aren’t many reliable treatments for it at this time. If you’re able to orgasm with difficulty when you masturbate but it is difficult or even impossible to cum during intercourse, additional stimulation or involvement of kinks could be helpful.



Man. Two Kids. Mid Life crisis. Read my brain dumps here. Joint owner of youonlywetter, generally all views are my own. Unlike my brother (Jonthenudist) I think Dr Who is shit.

You may also like...

Can’t cum?

by PogoStick time to read: 30 min
Share This

Share This

Share this post with your friends!