The state of the Fifty Shades of Grey relationship
Ok you all know I am kinky and have been for about half my life in one form or another, on a recent reading of the BDSM pages on Reddit I found a discussion about the Fifty Shades of Grey and thought what again another newbie thinking that FSOG is the real world BDSM but no it was great to see others saying in there words how awful it is.
It’s a pretty gross portrayal of relationships in general. Lots of manipulation and classic “shitty infatuation romanticized as love”, which is true of many “romance” books.
Most insultingly, it’s fucking godawful writing. Just absolute garbage.
So his perfect little slut really does get right to the point in this comment which is felt by the majority of the BDSM community saying the books really don’t show our world in a good light. Christian is an abusive and manipulative man and Dom and this is not the norm in the community. Just as Wile_E0001 says here, check out the list here of an abusive relationship he ticks them all off.
If you get a checklist pamphlet for an abusive relationship, Christian Gray checks off every single box. And his abuse has nothing to do with BDSM.
As others have pointed out, the author used BDSM as a replacement for vampirism. So that’s already a bad way of looking at it.
Then he is manipulative and controlling. Emotionally abusive. Stalking. Tries to cut her off from friends and family thereby isolating her from any support structure but him.
Yeah, its not a surprise his ex is mentally destroyed by him.
In this comment Mrs-Darling really hits home with the main bit i love about the kinky world which is communication
Every BDSM relationship is different so any attempt to discuss “BDSM” will leave many people feeling left out.
I think that a majority of kinksters were disappointed that what became mainstream happened to be a Dominant sadist who was brought into the lifestyle underage, that he was portrayed as “broken” and needing to be “cured” of this part of him, and the implication that childhood abuse is what somehow made him this way.
Additionally, their relationship is kind of a mess, going in both directions IMO. Their lack of open and honest communication, the lack of starting on a level playing field, and both his non-consensual control and her constant “I will fix you with true love” bullshit puts such a bad taste in mouth.
All that, paired with some of the worst writing I’ve experienced backed by terrible on-screen chemistry between the two main actors and the massively unrealistic billionaire story line makes it, IMO, a piss poor mainstream representation of BDSM.
All that said…. I’m still grateful for the popularity. I can educate, refer out other reading, lead in my local BDSM community to help others find their path, have this exact dialogue, with so many more people as a result.
People throw around words like “safe words” and “kinky” and “Dominant and submissive” so much more now. So maybe one day, if I work and speak and continue to spread the word of my real experience in Power Exchange, the combination of the popularity of 50SOG and my good example can help people understand the truth: we’re not broken, abused, or abnormal. We don’t need to be fixed or cured or saved. We’re normal, everyday people. Who happen to get our dicks hard or panties wet over something other than them.
Now is the popularity really down to the fact women like a bad guy simply highlighting that women will put up with anything for a sexy handsome rich man, FlirtyCrazyKinky puts it done to the Disney movie lifestyle.
I am a female sub with 15 years in this lifestyle called BDSM. I believe that the reason the 50 shades books of shit were so popular worldwide is because in reality women are not as progressive as they claim. If the dominant character was an ugly, old , janitor, he would never have gotten away with stalking , manipulation and non consensual acts of abuse. It is essentially a Disney princess fantasy of being rescued by a Prince for happy ever after. The book simply highlights that women will put up with anything , any pain even if they get nothing from BDSM, humiliation, stalking, or abuse for a sexy handsome rich man. The character was bought like a prostitute with computers, cars, limited edition rare books, apartment, clothing and eventually her own business. This is sadly the reason why the book was so big, not because of the reference to kink (because there are many better BDSM erotica writers ) but because it is a handsome, rich man buying a woman everything material and she accepts any of his abusive behaviour because of money. The underlying lie, is that abusive men will change / be fixed, which is completely untrue and simply shows that women wish they can change men ultimately. They really all want to have lots of money and will do anything to get it.
In conclusion just think about it the Fifty Shades of Grey relationship is a fantasy story if a guy or girl is treating you like you see in the books or on the silver screen then get out call the police. You could write two books with the pointed analysis of how shitty FSOG with the posts on any of the BDSM related subs. The community as a whole is pretty clear, and a simple search should give you hours of material. I know I will try to educate those who I think are worth the time, and shake off the rest. I know a loving D/s relationship is often boring to others, just as I find their vanilla existence not my cup of tea. Would I prefer “they” see what I see? Hell, yes! But I am a realist, and I know that will never happen.