So we all know breakups can be incredibly challenging, and just fucked up at times, this is made especially hard when you find out that your ex has moved on and is now in a new relationship. It’s oh-so-natural to experience a wide range of emotions when you find this out, maybe jealousy, sadness, and sometimes even anger. But dwelling on thoughts of your ex with someone else can really harm your healing process and prevent you from moving forward. As a self-noted relationship professional (check out the mix of posts here), Let’s look at the complexities of these emotions and the difficulties in letting go, in this post, we will explore 6 super effective strategies and ideas that you can pick and choose from, to help you stop thinking about your ex with someone else and embrace a healthier, happier future.

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Emotions:

So it’s happened! You overheard from a mutual friend, a post on social or saw them in the pub and you discover that your ex is in a new relationship, it’s now essential to acknowledge and begin to accept the complex emotions that are growing within you. As I mentioned this will often trigger a range of feelings, including sadness (just don’t cry near me), anger, betrayal, and even a sense of loss. It is completely normal to experience these emotions, and it’s super important to accept and validate them. Trying to hide or dismiss your feelings will only prolong the healing process SO DONT!

Susan J. Elliott, author, and therapist, emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and honoring your emotions: “You must honor your emotions and not stuff them down or dismiss them.” Give yourself permission to grieve the end of your relationship and the vision you had for your future together. Recognize that it’s natural to go through a period of adjustment and allow yourself the space and time to heal.

Take a minute to create a safe space where you can express your emotions freely, my Love is a journaling queen and this can be a helpful tool to explore your thoughts and feelings. Write about your pain, your hopes, and your fears. By writing down your emotions, you can gain insight into your brain. If you don’t want to be S and Journal everything you can seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can provide a valuable outlet for sharing your feelings. Talking to someone who can empathize with your experience and offer a listening ear can provide immense comfort and validation.

While it’s essential to acknowledge and accept your emotions, it’s equally important not to let them consume your entire existence. Remember that your emotions do not define you, and they will eventually subside with time. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that healing is a gradual process. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup.

Esther Perel Explains, “There is no shortcut through the pain, but there are pathways out of the suffering.” You have to first acknowledge and accept your emotions, you take the first step towards healing and create space for personal growth and the possibility of a brighter future.

2. Focus on Self-Care:

This section is a three-for-one let’s start by redirecting your energy towards self-care the next essential step in moving on from thoughts of your ex with someone else (YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME). We need to start to set YOU as number one! You need to remember to nurture yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, practising self-care, this will not only enhance your overall quality of life but also get your brain back in form during this challenging time.

a) Physical Self-Care:

So this is a hard one for me engaging in regular exercise is not only beneficial for your physical health but also for your emotional well-being. Getting up and moving around will release endorphins, which are excellent natural mood boosters that help reduce stress and anxiety. Try some activities until you find one you enjoy, whether it’s going for a walk or jogging (found this pic online would so get over an ex running with these), practising yoga, dancing, or playing a sport. Choose something that gets you moving and helps you reconnect with your body.

In addition to exercise, ensure you’re nourishing your body with healthy, balanced meals. Pay attention to your nutritional needs and make choices that support your overall well-being. Eating a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains can contribute to increased energy levels and a sense of vitality.

Getting enough restful sleep is another vital aspect of physical self-care. Establish a consistent sleep routine, create a soothing sleep environment, and practice relaxation techniques before bedtime to improve the quality of your sleep. A well-rested body and mind can better cope with the emotional challenges of a breakup.

b) Emotional Self-Care:

Emotional self-care ties back to the first section, nurturing your emotional well-being and finding healthy ways to process your emotions. Explore different techniques to express and manage your feelings effectively.

I mentioned Journaling is a powerful tool that allows you to reflect on your emotions, experiences, and thoughts. Write about your journey, your struggles, and your aspirations.

Engaging in creative outlets such as painting, drawing, or playing a musical instrument can also serve as a therapeutic means of expression. Channel your emotions into your artistic endeavours and use them as a form of catharsis.

Practising self-compassion is crucial during this time. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have ups and downs, and allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions without judgment.

c) Mental Self-Care

Taking care of your mental well-being is equally important when it comes to moving on from the thoughts of your ex. Engage in activities that stimulate your mind and promote a positive mindset.

Read books or blogs (loads here) that inspire you, provide wisdom, or offer guidance on personal growth and resilience. Seek out literature related to healing from breakups, self-discovery, and building healthy relationships. Educating yourself about emotional well-being and relationship dynamics can empower you during this transformative period.

Limit your exposure to triggers that remind you of your ex. Yes avoid their social media profiles, remove reminders of them from your living space (you don’t need it), or even temporarily distance yourself from common social circles but remember don’t lock yourself away. Creating healthy boundaries will allow you to focus on your healing and avoid unnecessary emotional distress.

Seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor can also be a valuable form of mental self-care. They can provide guidance, support, and tools to help you navigate the complexities of your emotions and thoughts. Self-care is not selfish; it is essential for your healing and personal growth. By prioritizing your well-being and engaging in activities that nourish your body, mind, and soul, you empower yourself to move forward and embrace a brighter future beyond your past relationship.

3. Practice CBT (no not that you dirty mind):

Even though with the subject of this post you might want to do some ball damage, I am meaning Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a widely recognised and effective therapeutic approach for managing and transforming negative thoughts and behaviours. It can be a valuable tool in helping you stop thinking about your ex with someone else and redirecting your focus towards positive and empowering reviews. CBT operates on the principle that our thoughts influence our emotions and behaviours, and by challenging and reframing those thoughts, we can change our emotional responses and actions.

a) Identifying Negative Thought Patterns: The first step in utilizing CBT is to become aware of your negative thought patterns related to your ex and their new relationship. Notice the recurring thoughts that bring you distress or contribute to rumination. These thoughts may include beliefs about not being good enough, fear of being alone, or comparisons with the new partner.

b) Challenging Negative Thoughts: Once you identify the negative thoughts, challenge them by examining the evidence and considering alternative perspectives. Ask yourself if there is concrete evidence to support these thoughts or if they are based on assumptions and interpretations. Consider the possibility that your negative thoughts may be distorted or biased. Focus on the idea that love and compatibility are subjective, and what works for one person may not work for another.

c) Reframing and Replacing Thoughts: Reframing involves consciously replacing negative thoughts with more positive and realistic ones. This process requires actively challenging negative self-talk and consciously choosing alternative thoughts that are more empowering and supportive. For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, “They replaced me because I wasn’t good enough,” reframe it to something like, “We were not compatible, and this allows me to find someone who appreciates and values me for who I am.” By reframing your thoughts, you shift the narrative from self-blame and insecurity to self-empowerment and resilience.

d) Cognitive Restructuring Techniques: Cognitive restructuring techniques in CBT can further assist you in changing negative thought patterns. Some common techniques include:

• Thought Stopping: This involves recognizing and interrupting negative thoughts by mentally saying “stop” and replacing them with positive or neutral thoughts.
• Cognitive Distancing: Step back from your thoughts and view them as separate from your identity. This helps create a sense of detachment and objectivity, enabling you to evaluate them more rationally.
• Evidence Gathering: Challenge your negative thoughts by seeking evidence that supports or contradicts them. Look for alternative explanations and possibilities.

Remember, CBT is a skill that takes practice and consistency. Be patient with yourself as you develop new thinking patterns and work towards redirecting your thoughts away from your ex and towards personal growth and happiness. By implementing CBT techniques, you can gain control over your thought processes, challenge negative beliefs, and cultivate a more positive and empowering mindset. This shift in thinking will contribute to your healing journey and open the door to new possibilities for love, happiness, and personal fulfilment.

4. Embrace the Stoic Method:

So this I heard about, the other day with a friend that’s currently going through a breakup/get back together/breakup again issue at the moment so I decided to read up on this as he said it helped and it’s very similar to a lot of thinking I already had and more of a lifestyle than the temporary fixes CBT brings. The Stoic philosophy starting out in ancient Greece, helps you build a valuable insight into how to manage your emotions and find peace in difficult situations. By embracing the magic 🙂 “Stoic method“, you can reframe your perspective on your ex’s new relationship and cultivate resilience and inner strength.

a) Recognizing the Sphere of Control:

According to Stoicism, it is crucial to recognise the difference between what is within your control and what is beyond it. While you cannot control your ex’s actions or decisions, you have complete control over your own thoughts, emotions, and actions. By shifting your focus to what you can control, you reclaim your power and redirect your energy towards self-improvement!

b) Practicing Acceptance and Letting Go:

Stoicism works on the importance of accepting the realities of life and letting go of attachments to external outcomes. So like in number 1 accept that your past relationship has ended and that your ex has moved on. You will see by accepting this reality, you free yourself from the burden and create space for personal growth and new beginnings.

c) Viewing Obstacles as Opportunities:

Like in CBT, Stoicism teaches that all challenges and setbacks are not inherently negative but are really just opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Instead of viewing your ex’s new relationship as a personal rejection, reframe it as an opportunity to focus on yourself and explore new possibilities. Embrace the idea that this experience can lead you to deeper self-understanding and pave the way for a more fulfilling future.

d) Practicing Gratitude:

A core aspect of the Stoic philosophy, by cultivating gratitude, you shift your attention towards the positive aspects of your life and away from dwelling on your ex and their new relationship. Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for, such as your supportive friends, family members, personal achievements, and even this new opportunity for personal growth. This practice helps foster a mindset of abundance and contentment.

e) Developing Resilience:

Following on from feeling gratitude Stoicism encourages the development of resilience. Recognize that enduring the pain of a breakup and witnessing your ex with someone else is a testament to your strength and capacity for growth. Embrace challenges as opportunities to cultivate resilience and inner fortitude. As Stoic philosopher Seneca once said, “Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labour does the body.”

f) Seeking Stoic Role Models:

Find and draw inspiration from the wisdom of Stoic role models (and friends). Read the works of renowned Stoic philosophers such as Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, and Seneca. Their teachings can offer valuable guidance and perspective on navigating challenging emotions and finding serenity amidst turbulent times.

Embracing the Stoic method will help you shift your mindset from dwelling on thoughts of your ex with someone else to focusing on personal growth, resilience, and embracing the present moment as well as making you a master of yourself!. Stoicism offers a practical framework for reframing your perspective, letting go of attachments, and finding strength within yourself. Incorporating Stoic principles into your daily life can lead to a profound transformation, allowing you to break free from the mental chains of your past relationship and forge a path towards a brighter and more fulfilling future.

5. Seek Support and Connection:

During this process of moving on from your ex, seeking support and connection is crucial. Building a strong support system can provide comfort, guidance, and a sense of belonging as you navigate through the emotional challenges of a breakup.

a) Lean on Friends and Family:

Start to reach out to your trusted friends and family members who can offer a listening ear and support. Make a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings and allow yourself to be vulnerable. As above we mention about talking about your emotions and receiving validation from loved ones provides immense relief and reassurance. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you during this time remember this will pass.

b) Join Support Groups or Therapy:

This one is not for everyone and not everyone will have the support to consider joining support groups or therapy sessions specifically designed for individuals going through a breakup. These settings provide a safe space to share experiences, gain insights from others who have gone through similar situations, and receive guidance from professionals.

c) Online Communities:

We have mentioned these communities before if you look at Reddit and /r/relationship_advice you will find 9.3 million people posting about Relationships. Find yourself an online community that works for you, engage in discussions, share your story, and offer support to others. Virtual connections can provide a sense of camaraderie and remind you that you’re not alone in your experiences.

d) Professional Guidance:

As we mentioned with the group sessions this one might not be affordable for you but if you are still finding it challenging to cope with the emotions, seeking professional guidance from therapists or counsellors specializing in relationship issues can be immensely beneficial.

Remember, YOU ARE AWESOME and seeking support is not a sign of weakness but rather an acknowledgement of your need for human connection and understanding. By reaching out to others, you create a network of support that can provide comfort, guidance, and encouragement during your healing process. Opening yourself up to support and connection allows you to draw strength from others and facilitates your journey towards emotional well-being and personal growth.

6. Visualise and Manifest Your Future:

This is a process and technique that will feel very strange at first but visualisation and manifestation can be a powerful tool in shifting your focus away from thoughts of your ex with someone else and moving towards creating a positive and fulfilling future for yourself. Harnessing your power of imagination and intention can cultivate, motivation, and empowerment.

a) Create a Vision Board:

A vision board is a visual representation of your goals, dreams, and desires. Gather magazines, images, and quotes that resonate with the life you envision for yourself beyond your past relationship. Choose images that reflect your personal growth, happiness, and new beginnings. Collage them onto a board or create a digital version using online tools. Place your vision board in a prominent place where you can see it daily, allowing it to inspire and remind you of the possibilities that await.

b) Practice Affirmations:

Affirmations are positive statements that reinforce your desired beliefs and outcomes. Repeat affirmations that resonate with you, such as “I am worthy of love and happiness,” “I release thoughts of my ex and embrace my own journey,” or “I am creating a bright future for myself.” Write them down or say them aloud daily, internalizing their empowering messages. Affirmations can help rewire your subconscious mind and cultivate a positive mindset focused on your personal growth and fulfilment.

c) Visualization Exercises:

Take time each day to visualize your ideal future without your ex. Close your eyes and imagine yourself thriving, happy, and at peace. Visualize engaging in activities you enjoy, meeting new people, and building meaningful connections. Allow yourself to feel the emotions associated with this future reality, such as joy, contentment, and excitement. Visualization exercises help align your subconscious mind with your conscious desires, reinforcing your intention to move forward and create a fulfilling life beyond your past relationship.

d) Set Goals and Take Action:

Setting goals provides direction and purpose in your healing journey. Identify areas of personal growth, self-improvement, and new experiences you want to pursue. Break your goals down into actionable steps and create a plan to achieve them. Taking proactive steps towards your goals not only empowers you but also helps you shift your focus away from thoughts of your ex and towards personal development and self-fulfilment.

e) Stay Open to New Opportunities:

As you embark on your journey of moving on, stay open to new opportunities and possibilities. Embrace the unknown and the potential for serendipitous encounters, personal growth, and unexpected joys. By adopting an open mindset, you create space for exciting and transformative experiences that can surpass what you had ever imagined.

In the words of author and motivational speaker, Tony Robbins, “What you focus on expands.” By visualizing and manifesting your future, you shift your focus away from thoughts of your ex with someone else and towards the infinite possibilities that await you. Embrace the power of your imagination and intention, and watch as your life unfolds in alignment with your dreams and aspirations.

So moving on from thoughts of your ex with someone else is a challenging process that requires self-reflection, self-care, therapeutic techniques, and support from others. By acknowledging and accepting your emotions, practising self-care, utilizing therapeutic approaches like CBT and Stoicism, and seeking support and connection, you can release thoughts of your ex and embrace the possibilities that lie ahead. Remember, healing takes time, so be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and trust in your ability to create a fulfilling life beyond your past relationship.

You Are Awesome and Loved.xx