Sadly Necessary Sex Guides #1: A BlowJob
How to Properly Receive A Blowjob by Mixtape_Heart
Not all of us, of course, but sadly too many. So please allow me to share with you a few key pointers that will help make you the master of receiving blowjobs in considerate, courteous, and awesome fashion.
Be Responsive!
Be Responsive!Lack of response cues from the receiving party has been far and away the number one complaint I hear when people talk about bad blowjob recipients. This doesn’t mean you have to talk dirty, or make elephant-trumpeting sex noises, or hip thrust like you’re hula hooping, or even give directions like you’re air traffic control and your partner is landing your penis at LaGuardia. I mean, if any/all of those things are your jam, cool, go for it. But the point is don’t just sit there all silent and still, like some sort of fellated Weeping Angel.
Whisper. Moan. Change your breathing. Shift your hips. Ask for more of what you like. Something. Anything. Because another person is being kind enough to put your penis in their mouth in a super fun way, guys. The least you can do is let them know how it makes you feel – or, you know, that you’re enjoying it at all. So show them, in whatever ways feels natural to you and the moment.
Say it with me: Better feedback means better sexy time for everyone!
Warnings Are Not Only Polite, But Necessary
They’re necessary. OK? Necessary. A lot of the time you’ll have figured out what to do about climaxing in advance, but sometimes you get caught up in a moment and don’t talk things through ahead of time. Not a problem, necessarily, but you still need to ask what your partner wants to do about orgasm. Even if it’s just a very quick “I’m getting close, should I-” “It’s cool, I don’t mind” that’s still way, way better than just letting fly with your DNA and hoping for the best.
Or to put it another way, the act of someone giving you a blowjob doesn’t automatically mean they also consent to you ejaculating in/on/near them. They might have all kinds of evil plans for your dick that require you to not come just yet. Or they might just not want your orgasm that way. That’s their right.
It’s worth noting that even if your partner enjoys swallowing, and you’ve talked it out beforehand and they’re cool with doing it now, they usually don’t mind a little heads up before the show starts. And just for the record, five seconds is not exactly the best warning duration – by the time your partner realizes what you’re saying, it might be too late.
Rule of thumb? 15-30 seconds is good, or more if you can manage it. And please don’t pull the “sorry, it just happened so fast” excuse. Your orgasm is not the Goddamned Batman sneaking up on you in the night. Be responsible and don’t expose a partner to it who hasn’t given you permission to do so.
Blowjobs Are Tiring, BTW
Now, I know right now there are a bunch of champion head artists who read this and immediately thought about how they can give a blowjob for hours – and enjoy it! – without the least bit of complaint. More power to them! Practice can indeed make perfect. Sweet, sweet perfect.
But for a lot of other people, blowjobs can get pretty tiring after a while. On the jaw, for one, and depending on position and circumstances possibly on the knees, the neck, the elbows, or other parts too. Not to mention that they can also get pretty boring with a non-responsive partner – all the more reason to show how it makes you feel, guys!
If you don’t come easily from oral sex, and a lot of guys don’t, just be considerate if your partner is trying to get you off that way. See if they need to change positions, get a drink, switch to their hands or other parts for a bit, etc.
You don’t need to be their sex maitre’d and bother them every couple of minutes to see if they need anything, but during a long oral session a little concern now and then rarely hurts.
Your Own Semen Is A Thing
Your Own Semen Is A ThingIf your ejaculation is part of the evening’s oral entertainment, and the result isn’t all neatly contained one way or another, please do everyone a favor and try not to let the mere suggestion of coming in contact with your own semen suddenly turn you into 2nd grader running away from a finger with a booger on it.
I have heard quite a few stories of guys who are super gung ho about their partners swallowing their climax, only to damn near jump out of their skin at the slightest suggestion that they’ve so much as accidentally touched a single salty drop themselves.
Look, lots of people are a little squicked or embarrassed about their own bodily fluids. That’s OK. I’m not saying you have to put it on toast, guys. Just don’t lose your mind at the fact that it exists in that moment. If nothing else, if that is your response, then think carefully about how you present those feelings.
I’ve actually been in the room when a guy, who had just come in his partner’s mouth, turned around and said that he didn’t want to so much as kiss them until they had rinsed their mouth out with alcohol “because that stuff is so nasty” and so even kissing “was too gross to even think about.”
Judging by how their partner winced and hurried out of the room, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that wasn’t exactly the best way to put it.
Don’t get me wrong – if you have a phobia, traumatic history, health concern, hygienic aversion, or other circumstance that makes interacting with ejaculate a no-go for you, I totally understand and respect that (as should your partner). Talk about it, let your partner know. I’m not talking about that kind of issue, though, I’m talking about the simple “ewwwwwww grosssssss” response that many guys have when it comes to their own fluids.
And if you did make a mess, be considerate and help clean it up. That’s just polite.
Porn Isn’t Your Partner, Your Past Isn’t Your Partner, Your Partner is Your Partner
Lots of guys like porn, and if 75% of the videos that make K&P ([ed]On Fetlife) are any indication, blowjobs are a pretty popular form of it. Nothing wrong with that. But don’t hold your partner to the standards of some strangers you saw online, or even the partners you’ve had in the past.
This especially includes actions like pulling hair, forcibly initiating deep throating, and using your penis as a breath play device, by the way. Ask first, don’t assume! Not everyone can or wants to do these things, and even people who are into any or all of these activities generally want to negotiate them, OK?
After all, everyone approaches sex their own way, and blowjobs are certainly no exception. Expecting what you see on a screen or remember from times gone by is ignoring the person in front of you, the one who’s willing to go down on you right now.
Do them a favor and figure out how the two of you connect.
[Ed] and before the Disclaimer collegehumor did this video explaining that “Blowjobs Are More Intimate Than Sex” just think next time and put some of Mixtape_Heart’s suggestions into action.
Obligatory Disclaimer: As with anything sex-related, especially in a kink context like Fetlife, this guide has a huge YMMV sticker on it. Maybe you and your partner have a dynamic where one of you stays absolutely stoic while the other performs sex acts on them, for example, and so being responsive is totally out of the question. Hey, whatever works for you! Feel free to take these words with a grain, a spoonful, or a whole handful of salt.
This great guide was written by Mixtape_Heart and was first featured on Fetlife before he agreed to share it here. The Original can be found on Fetlife here lets hope it will be one of many more to come 🙂 If you came here looking for a guide on how to give a blow job, head over to this post.
