Rule 34 – If it exists there IS porn of it

Rule 34

So Todays post on Rule 34 comes from my mornings catch up on what the internet has to offer so reading emails and looking around as i do for inspiration and bang Snow White and the 7 dwarfs in shows up in my home screen of reddit from the r/rule 34 and here its is.

The Urban Dictionary says:

Rule 34 the generally accepted internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject. Additionally it is accepted that the rule itself has limitations and you cannot be too specific on the content of the item in question. Most commonly used on various message boards for various reasons, from humor to cruelty.

 The 5 Most Terrifying Examples of ‘Rule 34’ (The rest of this post is VERY NSFW)

Lots of people assume that Rule 34 is tongue in cheek, a bit of Internet culture hyperbole as a reaction to the abundance of curious porn that does exist. I argue that it is not. It is terrifyingly real. I have traveled down the rabbit hole and through the mouth of madness. I solved the puzzle box. I Googled the unGoogleable. And now I will share with you the awful truth of Rule 34. Get some popcorn!

 

5. American Dad

There’s a whole Rule 34 porn industry out there dedicated to making adult images out of your favorite cartoons. You want to see Shaggy plow Velma? There’s pictures of it. George Jetson ramrodding Rosie the Robot? Oh yeah. You can even find Star Fox making a man out of Q-Bert if you look hard enough. But what cartoon do you think, more than any other, deserves a little pornograffiti? Yes. American Dad.

On the surface, you might question why I should elevate American Dad above any other cartoon. Why Seth MacFarlane’s second and somewhat less popular dig at neocon super patriots? Two good reasons. One, American Dad features a bulbous-headed alien named Roger, and two, the porn someone created based on this was live action. There is live action Roger the alien from American Dad porn out there right now. Right now.

The idea of a malcontent, scrot-headed naked gray alien in a live action porno is, by now, not especially weird, but it’s worth noting that the actor in the movie tries to replicate Roger’s voice, and this is what a typical scene looks like:

That’s a cowboy hat and a feather boa. Also, they didn’t even put a sheet on the mattress, and everyone knows that’s just insane. It’s so slippy and weird. Yuck.

Below is the source its your own eyes that will hurt 😛

4. Pterodactyl Dinosaur Spermo Plasmoids

Jurassic Park was the highest-grossing film of all time at the time of its release in 1993 and is now the 24th-highest-grossing film of all time. At no point in the film, the book it was based on, or any of its sequels does a lady have sex with three pterodactyls. You can look it up. But here you go Rule 34 if you wanna see it for yourself i found this link (watch at your OWN RISK)

The pterodactyl porn is something of a porn video legend. I can find uploads from as far back as 2001 on the Internet and people in forums saying they’d seen it years earlier. How old is pterodactyl porn? Maybe no one knows. Maybe it’s so old that those are real pterodactyls, we don’t know. I mean, we know, because it’s three guys in awful costumes, but shut up.

The relative age of the pterodactyl porn is startling. As you know, every year on the Internet is like 10 years in real life. Things rot and fester and become more despicable at least 10 times faster, so the fact that this thing has persevered is stunning, as is the fact that it was created way back when. We all like to think that when the Internet started it was nothing but recipes for bran muffins and gifs of kittens, but alas, that’s not true at all.

3. Claymation

Claymation is the world’s least loved form of animation. No one really likes it — we just put up with it because we understand that we could never do something like that ourselves. It must be daunting as hell to make those raisins dance and sing, not to mention all the effort going into smoothing the fingerprints out of Gromit’s face. But at the end of the day, everything looks a bit like the nightmares of a cartoon sex offender. And that’s a pretty decent segue into this video.

2. Mr. Peanut

If you were creating a list of sexy spokescritters, who would top that list? Certainly the Michelin Man, with all his sexy, soft curves. That fuckin’ hot green M&M. Maybe the Pillsbury Doughboy, if you’re into that sort of thing. But where would Mr. Peanut fall? Mr. Peanut, a melding of Mr. Burns and the Monopoly Guy, plus a healthy dose of allergens. Is Mr. Peanut sexy? Hell no.

Is this Mr. Peanut porn shoot photo real? Is it a staged piece of art to make us all feel bad that we have seen such a thing and wondered if there were any jokes on set about being salted? I don’t have the answers to these questions. All I have is what appears to be Mr. Peanut on the happy end of mouth lovin’. But it does stand as a testament to the breadth and scope of Rule 34. Cartoons, insects, wild beasts? These things are amateur hour. Someone out there is delving into anthropomorphic legumes. That shit is tight.

I searched high and low for a video clip to come along with these two still images, but I was unsuccessful. Of course my hands were cramped by this point and typing was an issue, plus my computer kept correcting me to Mr. Penis, which will find you all kinds of pics and videos. We hope there’s a legitimate, full-length Mr. Peanut porn out there somewhere, and that during the movie, he speaks with a hoity-toity New England accent and exclaims loudly about how he has so many dry-roasted bitches up on his nuts. And after the movie, there’s a secret scene in which Mr. Peanut and the Noid and Tony the Tiger gangbang the Aflac Duck. Mostly because I want to hear Gilbert Gottfried (or the guy who impersonates him) in the throes of passion. Don’t you judge me.

1. Along Came the Spider

Now this is the point my wife walks in and walk right back out again with a huge fear and hatred of spiders her only words were “What the f**k” before i hear the door slam.

What’s the most erotic thing you can think of? Is it humping in the dairy aisle? Is it Adam Tod Brown in a bathtub full of gravy? Is it a terrifying, alopecia-suffering spider woman with multiple eyes and legs? Is it that? If it’s that, you’re in luck. If it’s one of the first two, maybe I can help you out there, too, send me an email later. For you arachnophiles, someone did make spider porn, and it’s so much worse than the name suggests. Like the rest of this post you might be thinking, “Well, I feel bad inside, but it’s not like I want to use steel wool on my brain and genitals.” Hold that thought.

The story in this cinematic gem is that our protagonist — let’s call him Russell — is a foul-mouthed gentleman looking through boxes in an attic. He’s dropping F-bombs and hates his job, near as I can figure. And he’s being spied on by an awful, naked spider lady.

Spider lady creeps out and Russell runs in a panic, as anyone should, because fuck that. But when I say fuck that, I don’t mean like “fuck” that. I just mean eew. He runs downstairs and there’s a locked gate of some kind, and — this isn’t relevant, but I need you to know this — there’s a bulldog sitting on the other side of the gate staring at him. I like to think that someone brought it to the set that day because they like hanging out with their dog and thought the dog might enjoy watching a spider porn shoot. Later they went out for burgers.

One minute into the video and the spider lady is on Russell. He’s screaming, he’s panicking, and within about 10 seconds, he’s enjoying the sweet sensations and an arachno-BJ. There’s a solid 11 minutes left of this that unfold exactly like every porno you’ve ever seen, only awful. So awful. Then it ends with her killing him, I guess, so that’s a bit different.

Ok so here it is Again its one to watch at your own risk