7 Valuable qualities for Dominants that they didn’t teach me in Dom 101 By SaucyLittleMinx
*Note: This list is compiled of things I have learned from not only my experience as a dominant, but also from my experience as a sub, and the things my Doms did/did not do. It is by no means complete or the “one true way”, but simply what I personally value most. Take from it what you will.
1) Allowing yourself to make mistakes
Being Dominant doesn’t mean that you’re perfect. Because, (spoiler alert), you’re not. I’m not. No one is. We’re still human, and we make mistakes. Maybe even lots of mistakes! Maybe really big ones! Accept that mistakes will happen, do your best to fix it, and then forgive yourself.
2) Being able to admit when you’re wrong
This isn’t just a problem in Dominants. But it is especially important when you are in charge of a situation that you are able to own up to your own mistakes. It is only then that we can earn the respect of our peers, and our bottoms.
3) Keeping your ego in check
If I’ve learned nothing else at all in my years in jiu jitsu, it’s that the EGO singlehandedly stops us from growing, learning, and achieving. It’s the ego that tells us that we’re always right, that we have nothing to learn from that person who is younger/less experienced/less well known than us. And it’s the ego that tells us that we’re perfect just the way we are, that it’s the other person that needs to change.
4) Master the art of self-processing
If I could only pick one, it’d be this. We must be in complete control of ourselves before we can be in control of someone else. Everything is done for a reason- know within yourself what that reason is. Why you feel the way you do, why you react the way you do. The ability to analyze our thoughts and actions removes the power emotions have over us, and lets us use our logic. It’s the most powerful tool in my box.
5) Putting your bottom’s needs before your own
Being in a D/s relationship means accepting that for a certain degree, you are responsible for your sub’s well-being. They are putting so much of themselves in your hands. Take care that they are getting their needs met. Make sure to make them feel as important, valued, and appreciated as they really are. Remember, their existence and trust is the only thing making that dynamic possible.
6) Being able to laugh at yourself
We’re kinky because it’s FUN! If you’re taking yourself so seriously that you’re no longer having fun, you’re doing it wrong. Being a Dominant is hard work! It’s okay to chillax, and it’s okay to laugh at ourselves when we aren’t perfect.
7) Being able to grow and change
Lastly, even if we have accomplished all of the above, we must still actually be able to change. To take feedback and actually apply it. Kink is a journey, and you’re not done with it yet. There’s a better you out there, don’t sit where you are and be complacent.
This Post was written by SaucyLittleMinx a Fetlife member and gave permission for it to be posted here
The Image can be found here
