Queefing 101 – Have a Blast With Queefs
So you’re fucking your girlfriend, getting into a good solid groove, and while you’re banging away, there’s this…sound. Sort of like a fart. But it came from her pussy. Should you be grossed out? Should you hold your breath? What just happened? You’ve been queefed. There’s a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation about queefing. Let’s clear up some of the confusion so you can get back to enjoying your girlfriend’s pussy.
Clearing the air
First of all, let’s dispel a common misconception about pussy farts, or queefs – namely that they are as foul, smelly, and disgusting as the flatulence that comes out of your ass. The term pussy fart is really inaccurate; a queef isn’t so much a fart as it is more of a pussy burp. The nasty, stinky gas that comes out of your butt is the byproduct of food fermenting in your digestive tract. A queef is caused by fresh, clean air getting pushed or sucked into the vagina and then pushed out again. It gets pushed in by the penis during sex, or by a dildo or vibrator if the woman is masturbating.
Because the air is originally coming from outside the vagina, a queef will only smell as foul as the pussy it comes out of. So if your girlfriend queefs and it’s really smelly, maybe something crawled up her snatch and died. Of course it’s also entirely possible for a woman to queef and pass intestinal gas at the same time, but the likelihood is pretty slim.
Queefs can definitely sound like farts, from a nearly silent “pfft” to a blasting “frapp” or a “pfthbbbth” that flaps the meat curtains. This can be disturbing or embarrassing to both a woman who queefs and the guy who is fucking her or eating her out. But queefs are really nothing to be ashamed of. Really, they just mean that you’re having good, vigorous sex. In some cultures, it’s considered good manners and a compliment to your host if you slurp your soup loudly or belch. It shows you’re enjoying the meal. Try to think of queefing in the same way.
When a queef happens during sex, most men (and women) try to act as if nothing happened. It can make guys embarrassed and women self-conscious. But you might as well acknowledge it and laugh about it or take it as a sign of encouragement and go at it even heavier. Have some fun and see if you can get her to queef again and again.
Some women can queef spontaneously without the assistance of a male partner or dildo. They do this by sucking air into their vaginas. Sometimes this happens unintentionally during exercise or something, especially when doing that bicycle exercise where you lie on your back and pedal your feet in the air. Doing headstands and shoulder stands can also make it happen, so it’s fair to guess there’s a lot of queefing going on in yoga classes.
How to queef
For women who want to queef at will, we recommend the following technique. Get completely undressed from the waist down. Lie down on your bed or the floor (the bed will probably be more comfortable). Put your legs up in the air and spread them. Reach between your legs and spread your labia apart with your fingers so you feel the breeze on your pussy. Relax your pelvic and vaginal muscles as much as possible. It may help to do a few Kegel exercises, where you clench and hold your vaginal muscles and then release them.
When you’re ready and relaxed, roll back on your shoulders and raise your legs up higher and spread them wider. Push down with your pelvic muscles. Inhale deeply, then exhale sharply from your diaphragm (the diaphragm in your ribcage, not the diaphragm in your pussy). The forceful exhalations will help suck air into your pussy. Repeat this several times and you may queef in the upright position. Otherwise, try it until you feel like you have some air in there and then quickly bring your legs together and lower them. This should produce a queef.
How to queef with a partner
The best sex position to produce queefs is doggy style, with the woman putting her head down on the bed and her ass up in the air. She should spread her knees widely and try to relax her pelvic muscles as much as possible. The guy should pump forcefully, pulling out all the way or nearly all the way on each stroke to get the maximum amount of air introduced into the pussy. She should be very wet, so use extra lube if you need it. As you fuck, the air will repeatedly build up and get forced out, producing queefs. Try experimenting with different angles of penetration and thrusting rhythms to maximize your queefage.
If you’re feeling like doing some yoga or acrobatics, any position that gets the woman upside down will work well too. She can do a shoulder stand and have the guy get on top of her and lean on her legs, or hang her upper body off the edge of the bed.
To get her to queef during oral sex, put a pillow under her butt to elevate her pelvis. Spread her legs out and relax her pelvic muscles and vagina. Don’t blow into her vagina! Blowing directly into the vagina can be dangerous. Sticking your tongue up there is fine and may help, but ultimately she will probably have to suck the air into her vagina using the diaphragm exhalation method above.
With a little practice, she should be able to “whistle” Yankee Doodle, or at least fire off a good run of cunt trumpet blasts.
