We accept the love we think we deserve.
I’ll start this with a disclaimer: This journal entry is definitely a ‘kettle calling the pot black’ writing. I am just as guilty, if not more so than some, at doing this to myself. Probably part of the reason why it hurts me so much to see others do it to themselves.
Stephen Chbosky hit the nail right on the head when he said these words. How often do we sell ourselves short and in how many ways? So many people I know and love dearly I catch all too often calling themselves down, questioning how much impact they have on people, and questioning the love that is shown by those who truly do love them. It becomes a self-sabotaging circle of hell: you find someone who loves you, you can’t believe that they could actually love someone such as yourself, so you continue to question and doubt until you manage to push that person away. In the end, no one is happy and you’ve just created a self-fulfilling prophecy. It hurts me to watch this.
In the holiday season, I see this amplified greatly. It often goes hand in hand with the idea that “I’m no one special…I’m just me.” Well, here’s a not so novel idea (that I am also painfully trying to learn), that “just you” is extremely special to some of those in your life. You may not feel like you are anything out of the ordinary and yet, I can guarantee you that there is at least one person who finds you to be someone that is truly special to them.
This brings me to my next thought: why should it matter if the entire world sees you as special? They don’t know you…they see a very small piece of who you are. Those who tell you that you are special…those are the people to believe. They know you, they’ve seen you in your good and your bad, in your strongest and weakest moments. They love you for you.
So, the next time someone tells you they love you or pays you a compliment of any nature, try to accept it graciously. Even if you don’t believe it. Hopefully, with time, you’ll begin to believe what you’re being told and finally settle for the love you truly deserve.
Not much of a settlement in my mind.
