What Your Sex Dreams Mean?

So with lots of time alone over the last 10 months, I bet some of you have been having sex dreams, have you had one of those odd ones that you wake up going WTF. Every dream comes with your own personal, unconscious meaning that reflects your specific experiences, says Rubin Naiman, PhD, a dream specialist at the University of Arizona. So a steamy dream with a past flame, for example, could mean a different thing to you than to your friend it all depends on the associations you have with that lost love or that particular period in your life. Was he or she the one that got away? Now that’s a lot to consider before your breakfast, but there’s a method to understanding the madness.

“To interpret your dreams, you need to think through what all the main elements—people, places, things—might symbolize for you,” says Deirdre Barrett, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Harvard University and author of The Committee of Sleep.

The go-to technique is to “Pretend you’re talking to someone from another planet, and describe everything that happened—who, what, where, how—as if they don’t know anything,” You will find a language that’s kind of metaphorical. Were you in A dark room? A position of power? A sex dream isn’t always about sex, FYI. Now you have that this guide will help you decoding *those* kinds of dreams.

Your Least Fave Ex

“Dreaming is healing,” Naiman says. “It’s kind of a digestive process” taking difficult experiences, like a breakup, and spelling them out to provide understanding. Maybe everything was going great in the dream until he said something condescending. Hmm…didn’t he do that a lot when you were dating? Oh yeah, next. Consider this dream a way to get closure.

The Ex You Kinda Miss

Don’t send an “I miss you” text. Sure, your subconscious might be nudging you to get back together…or this could be yet another form of closure. Depending on your experiences with the ex in question, the dream could also be about qualities you’d like to see more (or less) of in yourself; our significant others have a way of highlighting certain aspects of our own personalities. Did your college ex make you feel spontaneous and fun, and now you’re a more cautious adult with real responsibilities? This might be a push to find that part of you not him again.

Your High School Crush

You haven’t seen the dude in decades…what gives?! Much like how your college ex might remind you of a more fun time in your life, a young crush might make you think of a simple, more innocent period. Remember: Dreams are more often about you, then the other person.

A Maybe-More Friend

It’s possible you picked up on some vibes without realizing it, Barrett says. “It might be the first time the impulse has consciously registered with you,” says Barrett.

A Platonic Friend

You love your best bud, natch, but you never thought about making love until…well, you did. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean you wanna add some bennies to your friendship during waking hours. “If you know you want to keep things purely platonic, then it’s back to question time: What is this friend like, and how do they differ from acquaintances? What do you like most about this particular pal?

Listing their characteristics might help you unlock a desire to emulate their habits, Barrett says. And how was the sex? Did it feel intimate and comforting? You could be craving that same kind of closeness and itching for someone you can be vulnerable emotionally naked if you will in front of.

A Coworker

The power dynamics differ when you’re having dream sex with your cubicle mate vs. the head honcho, but hey, you don’t need to worry about HR either way (phew!). While you could be harboring a secret attraction to the person you spend countless hours collaborating with, it’s just as likely you admire their work ethic, ideas, or problem solving, says Barrett.

Your Boss (Yikes!)

You could be drawn to their power and want to bring more confidence into your professional life, says Naiman. A sign to take that management course you’ve been eyeing?

You Cheated

Let yourself off the hook: Dream cheating isn’t the same as regular cheating. But it could mean you feel guilty about something. “In my research and experience helping my clients understand their cheating dreams, I have found the main reason you cheat in your dreams is that deep down you have guilt or concern about something you’re doing that is taking away from the time you should be putting into the relationship,” Lauri Loewenberg, certified dream analyst, in Your Dreams About Cheating, Could Mean A Few Different Things. Are you holding back from your partner in some other way?

A Romantic New City

New places could have many meanings, so it’s important to think about your associations with the place. Is it where you had your honeymoon? A place you’ve always wanted to go? If you’re in Paris, the capital of romance, it’s possible you’re craving something special from your partner.

A Stressful New City

Again, the same city could mean different things depending on the dream. Were you wandering around Paris lost and unable to speak the language. Hmmm, is there something you can’t talk to your love about?

A Public Place

Your dream features the usual suspects (your S.O., your crush), but somewhere that would be totally normal in any other situation except sex (a stairwell, a mattress store, a public park). Could this be a sign you need to shake things up a little? Sure could.

A Weird Place

If a public place means you need to shake things up a little, a weird spot see: the moon might signal that it’s time to shake things up a lot.

Same Sex Dreams

So, the hottie in your dream wasn’t the male trainer you follow on Insta but the female one (or vice versa). Is this a sign you’ve been playing for the wrong side all along? Probs not. “Dreams don’t smack you over the head like that,” says Naiman. You might just want to try something new, says Barrett.

To dig deeper, you need to determine the thoughts you have around same-sex ’ships. Do you come from a family that isn’t accepting? Do you feel they’re rejecting you for some reason? Or do you have two coupled-up friends and admire how they support each other? You may be craving a similarly close female connection—clothes on.

A Celeb

Well, there are lots of celebs out there. What are the associations you have with the person in your sex dream? By thinking of what they represent to you, you’ll have an easier time analyzing the dream.

“Describe their characteristics, and see if any reflect something you want more or less of in yourself,” Barrett says. “But also, lots of people have the hots for celebrities. So it may be more straightforward.” Fair enough.

Someone Walked In On You

“Humans have so many anxieties about sex,” Barrett says, noting that people often have shame about their preferences and insecurities about their attractiveness. “Our anxieties can come bubbling up in dreams.” Did a family member walk in on you? It could signify that you have some more deep-rooted hang-ups.