Wanking Over Your Long Lost Love
Your long lost love may be out of your life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let their memory live on in one way: Wanking over them! Which is also really convenient, because ever since they walked out, you haven’t felt sexually attracted to anyone else. Its all good they don’t need to know and its normal. Here are some tips for how best use your “one that got away” to get off:
Pretend like they’re still in your life.
Think of them telling you how much they love and respect you. Use your imagination if this is especially difficult. You two may have lost your way at some point, but now you are back, so enjoy each other’s company, grab few drinks, have a few laughs. And now, what’s that? Oh, sure I will touch your hand. Just don’t go to the pub and hog a chair for them.
Use props.
Make their presence by clutching a pillow, this feels just like they are with you. Note that you will probably need to close your eyes to make this work. If the pillow has more oddly placed lumps than you remember, that is okay. Everybody changes and we will get through this together.
Use pictures.
Find their Facebook profile and a good photograph of you two, where they look happy this is if they haven’t blocked you. Do not get sidetracked with questions, such as: How happy do they look now? Who are these new attractive friends of the opposite sex do they have? Etc. These questions will only pull you out of your special moment together, by yourself.
Close the damn door.
You and your long lost love are having a private moment, you have a lot to work out! Dont let the outside world interfere with this time turn the phone off. You may be so used to the idea of “keeping that door open” for him to walk back through it, but don’t let that get in the way of you closing the actual door.
Take it easy.
Be gentle. Let the memories of your long lost love help you reach the climax of pathetic comfort you seek and then let them go. Forgive yourself. Forgive them. And please, please be gentle and get lost in that little dream world of yours!
