Safe First Meetings by LordOmy

This last month I have heard some stories that have sent shivers down my spine. From self identifying ‘doms’ that make you all warm and fuzzy and in the matter of a couple months become over controlling and even abusive. To self identifying ‘doms’ that do the bait and switch…you know..no no..sweety, come over and we’ll watch a movie and cuddle. I’ll even pay the cab here and back. Only to find out when they arrive that the movie is porn, proceeds to ‘demonstrate’ some bondage, find themselves tied to a bed and the horny ‘dom’ on top of them.

So how do you meet your potential new play partner, Dominant, Daddy, etc without having to risk marks, STI/STDs, and your physical and emotional well being?

[Ed:- Got in a conversation with a great couple from twitter who shared this and it so fitted here]

Here are my suggestions..it’s not the only way…it’s not the highway…

It is a safe way for s-types and for d-types. I remember a couple instances where I almost got my ass in trouble from a wack job.

• Meet at an event. A munch, a discussion group, card night, a sale and swap.
• DON’T meet at a party. A party is high energy, easy to get swept up in it and do things you normally wouldn’t even think of.
• Meet at a food court in a major shopping center. There are LOTS of people around and if you scream fire, EVERYONE will look and security (the people you didn’t even know were there) will show up. Also, virtually all the food courts in major shopping centers have cameras. You and your potential serial killer are being recorded.
• Meet in a public place that has LOTS of people. Maybe a cafeteria, or a well attended coffee shop. A place where lots of people see you and if you yell, they’ll hear.
• BE SOBER – No alcohol. No drugs. No prescription pain killers. Be present.
• Avoid meeting at a restaurant or anywhere for a meal on your first meet. The time commitment is long..probably an hour. Do you want to spend an hour with someone you dislike? If you want to meet in a restaurant, meet in a semi-busy one…more attention is paid by the safe then. If it’s super busy, they’ll be too busy to notice you. If you have eaten there before, speak to your waitress and tell them what you are doing..they’ll be happy to keep a watchful eye.
• Don’t leave your drink unattended
• Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you meet the person at their (or your place for that matter) house or apartment. I don’t know what makes people think this is a good idea..but it is absolutely a horrible idea. It is completely unsafe..the..”yeah but I know where he lives”. True. Will your family know where your body is captive/buried?
• Set up a safe call with a friend and set up a code word/phrase. This way if the shit hits the fan..then the friend can call in the cavalry.

HOW TO SET UP SAFE CALL

• Provide your friend or someone you can trust your information and the information of the person you are meeting. Ie. Full name, address, phone number, picture of him/her.
• Provide your friend with the location of where you are going. Start and finish time. What time you’ll be home. What your expectations are.
• When you meet the individual..if they don’t look like their picture..turn and walk away. Test their phone number…call before you arrive..see who answers..tell them you might be 5 minutes late.
• It is acceptable for you to ask to see their ID to see if the name they give and the one on the ID match. It’s not fool proof, but you are trying to reduce the risk.
• When your friend calls 15 min after you are supposed to meet, have a cryptic phrase ready.

Example:

Safe Caller: Hi! How are you doing?
Safe Callie: I am just peachy. How are you? (peachy = All’s good sign)
Safe Callie: I am doing fine. Enjoying my time with X (fine = Call the police)
Safe Callie: I am doing Ok? How are you? (Ok = I need you to call back in 15..I need to get out of this)

• When you get home call your friend and let them know your safe.
• DO NOT TEXT….that does not confirm identity.

Okay so you meet this person and you two hit it off like a screen door banging in a hurricane. AWESOME! However, when the agreed upon time to leave comes. You leave. If they really are into you, they’ll understand and look forward to seeing you again.

This post was written by LordOmy over on Fetlife he gave permission for this to be shared here to help share the great work above.

Image by From deviantart