7 Surprising Things That Turn Him Off
From your favorite perfume to last night’s argument, a number of everyday habits could be sabotaging your sex life.
Of all our natural human tendencies — sleeping, eating, creating friendships — sex is about as complicated as they come.
But why? Sex feels good. It’s fun. And it’s great for you.
However, a number of factors can get in the way of a healthy sex life — both physical and psychological. For men, certain medical problems, from heart issues to diabetes to obesity, may lead to erectile dysfunction. The causes of erection problems can also be psychological in nature. And sometimes, what stymies a man’s sex drive may be linked to his partner.
We spoke with some top relationship experts and combed through research to find some pretty surprising things that affect a man’s sex drive and sexual function. Take a look.
You’re Too Buddy-Buddy With His Buds
You’d think that being friends with his friends would be a good thing. However, research proves that’s not the case.
A study of more than 3,000 people published in the American Journal of Sociology in 2011 suggested that when a woman cozies up with her partner’s pals, it can make a man jealous and actually lead to erectile dysfunction — especially in older men. These men “are more likely to have trouble getting or maintaining an erection and are also more likely to experience difficulty achieving orgasm during sex,” study authors Benjamin Cornwell, a professor of sociology at Cornell University, and Edward Laumann, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago, explained in a press release.
What’s up with that? “Your guy probably wants to feel that he’s got the goods (you) and his friends don’t have the same access to them as he does,” said Gilda Carle, PhD, a psychologist and author based in New York.
You’re Hotter Than He Is
Got all the good looks in your relationship? Turns out, your adorableness may end up leaving your guy feeling intimidated and inadequate.
“Men like to feel lucky, but they don’t want to feel insecure,” explained April Masini, a dating and relationship columnist and author of Date Out of Your League. In fact, researchers from the University of Valencia studied the levels of cortisol (the “stress hormone”) in men when they were in the presence of a beautiful woman, and their stress levels tended to skyrocket. Since stress is one of the main triggers of erectile dysfunction in men, it’s no surprise that the researchers found a link in the bedroom.
But he shouldn’t hate you because you’re beautiful, right? “If you’re an attractive woman and you’re attracted to a man whose beauty is not skin-deep, make sure he knows how hot you think he is,” suggested Masini.
You Went Overboard on the Eau de Cologne
Perfume’s supposed to attract a man and fuel his sex drive, right?
In truth, a strong scent may turn a man off for a number of reasons. A survey from the University of West Georgia found that nearly 30 percent of participants consider scented products irritating. Not to mention, perfume can set off an allergy attack or trigger a pounding headache — which could lead to erection problems.
“Ask him how he feels about your scent,” said Carle. “Everyone has different olfactory senses, so don’t take it personally if he requests that you change it — unless he’s trying to make you a carbon copy of his ex!”
You’re a Snorer
Research proves it’s true: Snoring has zapped couple’s sex lives and ruined relationships. According to the National Sleep Foundation, about 24 percent of married couples end up sleeping in separate rooms because of earsplitting Zzzs, and about 17 percent of them say snoring takes a toll on their sex life.
And men aren’t the only ones who saw logs at night. If you’re a snorer, you can do something about it. “Out-and-out snoring is something that requires a trip to the dentist (mouth guard), ENT (snoring surgery), or a sleep clinic (for medical help),” said Masini.
You Pick Fights (Just to Pick ‘Em)
Nothing zaps a man’s sex drive faster than constant bickering and squabbling. And though there’s always the chance of makeup sex, the damage could already be done: Research shows that men in unhealthy relationships are more at risk for erectile dysfunction.
“Choose your battles,” said Carle. “The women men love are those who make them feel good about themselves. If you’re constantly nagging, he may wonder why you’re still around. Get off his case and onto your own!”
You Brush Off His Blues
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) estimates that more than 6 million U.S. men have depression each year. However, many guys stay hush-hush about their blue mood (one study from the University of Akron found that a man was less likely to see a therapist for depression if he agreed with “traditional” gender roles, like all men should be tough).
What’s more, depression is often linked to sexual health problems, such as erectile dysfunction. So if you’re turning a blind eye, you may only be contributing to problems in the bedroom (and missing out on a chance to help him). But it’s not just sadness to watch out for: Depression in men sometimes takes the form of restlessness and irritability.
You Try to ‘Fix’ Him
Women often have a compulsion to improve their men and theirrelationships, but if you go overboard, you could deep-six his sex drive.
“This makes a guy feel he’s not good enough just as he is, and that raises all kinds of insecurities for him,” said Carle. “Love your guy ‘as is.’ Ladies, perfection doesn’t exist — either in your guy or you!”
